OddThemes © 2015

"That's beyond the point!" he spat.

"The point is beyond you!" she hissed.

They were beyond hope.

Whenever two people from the canine or feline family fought real bad, the onlookers would plead, "Stop fighting like Aloks and Janvis for dog's sake!"

Their neighbours Mr. and Mrs. Mehta prayed their daughter Sweety grows up to become a music composer so they can finally get the chance to sound-proof their apartment. But alas, she was only four, and they came to terms with the idea that in the meanwhile they'd better get used to this background score highlighted by name-callings such as 'Miss Bhindi Bazaar' and 'Monkeyface'.

During their courtship period, Alok and Janvi often went to the movies, and most often they saw Shah Rukh Khan films. They'd come out of the cinema hall, dazzled and twice in love. These days they only frequented Sunny Deol movies and then bought the DVDs, too, to secretly practise the yelling techniques and tonal inflections in private.

couple fight
What did they fight about so much, one would wonder. The topic was almost always profound. Like this one Sunday when they went to the zoo and all the animals gaped with amusement and bemusement (alternatingly) as the two quarreled about the 'which colour's striped on which colour' of a zebra.

Then one fine day, Alok's mother came visiting. As she witnessed them bickering about whose head had sprouted the first grey strand first, something struck her. After Janvi requested Alok to go climb a tree, Alok suggested she should go make him a sandwich. This was followed by her asking him to go wash his mouth and finally he advised her to go jump out of the window. The third tip was delivered with such passion, thought mummyji, that a fleeting look of enlightenment crossed her face, and her experienced locks of grey shined and sparkled as in the ads.

As though by miracle, after mummyji left, things became perfectly harmonius between husband and wife. The usher at Maratha Mandir was shocked to see them after ten years; the garbage collector was thrilled at having found thirty-seven Sunny Deol DVDs in the trash (the couple immediately stepped out and picked up a few DVDs of another Sunny ;) Mr. and Mrs. Mehta enrolled their Sweety at the Tiny Tots' Engineering Prep School to erase completely the memory of the possibility of the career of a music composer; the zebra was disappointed to suddenly stop being the center of all the attention; and the canine and feline communities were outraged at having lost an idiom.
couple love

That night while eating dinner, mummyji popped into her mouth some Chlormint achaar that she'd made for her son with so much love.
Bombay mein bhagwaan mil sakta hai. Us se bhi mushkil hai uss bhagwaan ko aur khud ko rakhne ke liye makaan milna. Woh bhi chalo mehnat aur qismat ki jugalbandhi se shaayad mil jaaye. Kuch mushkil se hi sahi, zara ghoom-phir ke hi sahi, kuch pyaari si sadakein mil sakti hain jinpar dono or ped lage hon.
Lekin! Kisi bhi sadak par, kisi bhi waqt, aasaani se ek rickshaa milna - naa-mumm-kinn!

Image Credits - Somesh Kumar
somesh.kumar.blogspot.in
In nakchadhhi rickshaaon se behadd bezaar thi Nupur, jo aadhe ghante se beech-raste par kabhi iss bhaiyya se toh kabhi uss bhaiyya se “Versova?” poochh rahi thi. Aakhir mein ik chahcha ne badi nazaakat se apni rickshaa dheemi ki – rukaayi nahin – dheemi ki, jaise koi ladki kisi ladke ki feelings ke saath khilvaad kar rahi ho.

Nupur ka gussa iss waqt tak itna badhh chukaa tha ki ki woh tez raftaar mein jaati hui Rajdhani Express bhi pakad leti, to iss chacha ki dheemi rickshaa kya cheez hai! Teen-chaar kadam daud kar woh uss rengti hui rickshaw mein ghuskar aise baithh gayi, maano seat uska sinhaasan ho, aur rickshaa-wale se gurraa kar “Versova!” kahaa jaise apne naukar se chai maang rahi ho.

Chacha apni chaturaayi ka chaupat hote dekh naa paye. Aise binaa poochhe unki Dhanno-samaan rickshaa mein baithhne ki himmat kaise hui uski! Dono aise ladey, maano gaaliyon ki raas-leela ho rahi ho. Nupur ne faislaa kar liya. Who jaayegi bhi issi rickshaa se, aur dunyaa ke tamaam rickshaa-waalon ki harkarton ka collective badlaa lete hue, iss chacha ko binaa paise diye bhaag jaayegi!

Haan haan, yeh ladki aisi paagalon wali harkatein karne ki poori qaabiliyat rakhti thi. Ek baar shart jeetne ke liye ussne cold-drink van se ek Pepsi churaa li thi. Film dekh kar binaa ticket ke baazu wali screen mein ghus jaana uski favorite cheating thi! Yahaan tak ki uske bachpan ki bell bajaakar bhaag jaane wali aadat aajtak durust thi!

Haar maankar badbadiye chacha ne rickshaa chaalu ki aur meter down kiya. Agle signal par jab rickshaa ruki, tab Nupur ki nazar right-side wale aaine par gayi aur uska mood fatt se achha ho gaya! Baaki dinon bedhhangi ghoomne wali Nupur, aaj full Eid Mubaarak ban kar nikli thi – pink salvaar kameez, gold kolhapuri chappal, uski badi si black bag, jismein who apni saari qaaynaat lekar ghoomti thi, aur woh white wallet jo usne Varun ke saath khareeda tha. Unke rishte ki doosri saalgirah thi uss din, aur Varun usse woh wallet gift kar raha tha. Select karte waqt waise unki pasand mein fark aaya tha, as usual, aur as usual, Varun ne usse chidhhaate hue kahaa, “Haan haan, tumko jo thheek lage. Waise bhi tumhaari hi toh chalti hai hamesha!” Aur phir salesman ki taraf muddke, “ Kyun bhai, sahi hai naa?” Aur salesman bhi kum nahin! Bola, “Haan bhai, auraton ka zamaana hai. Unke saamne kahaan apni koi majaal.” Agar Filmfare mein over-acting ke liye nomination hote, toh Oscar pakka uss hi ko milta!

Aaj uss din ko thheek ek saal hua tha, aur aaj subah bhi Varun ne phone par usse sataate hue kahaa,“Haan meri maa! Meri kabhi chali hai kya?” Aaj ka masla yeh tha, ki Varun ko apne favorite director ki nayi film ‘Ek Chaandni Raat’ dekhne jaana tha, aur Nupur ko ghar hi par kuch achha waqt bitaakar celebrate karna tha. Lekin nahin, aaj subah usne thhaan li thi ki woh Varun ko surprise dekar galat saabit karegi aur usse apna mannpasand dialogue phirse maarne ka mauka nahin degi. Isliye woh theatre gayi, aur naseeb uska ki usse aakhri do tickets mil gayi! Lekin naseeb uska ki usse wahaan se rickshaw milne mein itni der ho ho gayi. Varun kabse intezaar kar raha tha uska... magar usne socha, koi baat nahin, tickets dekhkar bahot khush ho jaayega.

Chidchide chacha ne gusse se “yahaan se kidhar?” poochhkar Nupur ke khayaalon ko disturb kiya aur usse apna bhaag jaane wala plan yaad dilaa diya! “Umm.. right lekar pehle uss gate pe zara ek minute rok dijiye, main ek kaam niptaakar aati hoon, phir yahaan se aage chalna hai.”

Naa toh aage chalna tha, aur naa hi Nupur ka waapas aane ka koi iraada tha. Building ke andar jaake seedha Varun ke ghar chali gayi. Waise, iraada toh apne chacha ka bhi nahin tha rukkne ka, kyunki aaine mein unko Nupur ka wallet dikh gaya jo who bhool gayi thi - Woh wallet jo gift tha! Woh wallet jismein gift thi! Sham ke show ki do aakhri tickets.

Phir kya! Un dono ne gharpe saara din ek-duusre ke saath waqt bitaaya, aur Varun Nupur ko chidhhaata raha ki hamesha ussi ki chalti hai. Shaamko jab woh dono balcony mein khade sunset dekh rahe the, tab balcony ki do seat mein baithhe apne chacha apni chachi ko ‘Ek Chaandni Raat’ dikha rahe the.